


This is not a Goodbye

by H0ETRY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, dont read if you are sensitive to this topic, mention of suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 06:11:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19458007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H0ETRY/pseuds/H0ETRY
Summary: chenle just wants to talk.





	This is not a Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> uh this talks about attemped suicide and talks about how so please do not read this if it is a sensitive or uncomfortable topic to you. i don’t want you to be at risk for something, its not to graphic but still.

donghyuck has a weird feeling when chenle calls him. chenle wanted to meet the older, asking him if he could come over. donghyuck asked why, because it was somewhat late, and chenle really hadn't spoken to him in awhile, chenle hadn't really spoken to anyone in there friend group for awhile other than renjun. though renjun and chenle were cousins. chenle just said he wanted to come over and talk, that it wouldn't be long. donghyuck agreed of course. 

now he was just waiting for the younger to get to his house. chenle arrives at donghyucks home not long after the call. chenle is quiet at first, eyes looking around the home as if he had never been in there before.

"hey?" donghyuck calls, chenles eyes averting to donghyucks. chenle gives him a small smile. "so what did you want to talk about?" 

"can we talk out back?" chenle whispers, eyes drifting towards the kitchen. donghyuck follows his gaze, seeing his mother and father, along with his little siblings, at the dinner table. donghyuck nods his head, slowly making his way to the back door. when they are outside, they sit down on the grass. chenle lets out a small, shaky sigh. 

"you okay?" donghyuck asks, and chenle shrugs. "well, why did you come over? do you need something?" chenle shakes his head. 

"no," chenle says, "no i came here to talk." chenle takes in a small breath, "im sorry, for kind of disappearing on you all for the past few weeks. i hope you guys aren't upset with me." 

"its fine, we aren't upset. we're just worried. you never said anything to us, renjun didn't say anything either. we were just worried something happened." chenle chuckles a little. "you're okay, aren't you?" 

"not really." chenle mumbles. "i was in the hospital," he starts, "for like three days." donghyuck gives chenle a looks. 

"what happened?" donghyuck asks. chenle pushes his lips into a thin line for a moment, like he's debating on wether he wants to answer the question. 

"I—" chenles mouth closes as soon as he opens it. "i tried to kill myself." donghyuck feels like his whole world stopped. what? he what? donghyuck knew chenle had a few mental problems, he had seen chenle have a few breakdowns, so he was quite aware of what this meant. "please don't freak out, im fine okay? im here." 

"i-i know but—why?" it was a stupid question, but donghyuck felt frustrated. why would chenle do such a thing? he seemed fine, he seemed happy? did he break down again? what happened? "no, i just.. how are you feeling now?"

"scared?" chenle mutters, "i don't know i just keep feeling sick when i think about the fact that what if i did die? it scares me." chenle sighs, "i.. it was at home, i found some pills that make you sleep.. and i just took them all. i even got in bed after it.. but as i lay there, i kept thinking about mom, kun ge, renjun, just everyone. i cried so bad, i went to kun, told him that i took the pills. we went straight to the hospital. i stayed in the hospital for three days, two days for suicide watch, stayed home for a week because i didn't want to see anyone. i was to scared." 

chenle wipes the few tears that fell down his face as he spoke. "and now, im here. talking to you." donghyuck gulps.

"im glad you're okay." he says. chenle smiles.

"me too." chenle grabs donghyucks hand, giving it a small squeeze. donghyuck smiles back at chenle. "im leaving korea." then the smile drops.

"what?" donghyuck blinks a few times, "why are you leaving?"

"to get better," chenle tells him, "im leaving korea and going back to china. i'll live with my grandparents, get treated over there." chenle smiles sadly at donghyuck. "im sorry, really. after everything, i need to go back home, i can't be here." 

"but.. what about us? your friends?" chenle gives donghyucks hand another squeeze. 

"im sorry, really hyung." chenle whispers, "it pains me to leave you all, i don't want to but i need to get better." donghyucks heart squeezes every time chenle says leave. "this is not a goodbye, i promise." chenle hands cup the older males cheeks, "i'll comeback after i get better, i'll comeback for everyone, for you. just wait for me? please?"

"okay," donghyuck breathes out. "what about the others? do they know you're leaving?" chenles hands fall from domghyucks face. "chenle you have to tell them." 

"i can't hyung." chenle cries, "its different with them, i know they mean well but all the do is just make me feel worse. the treat me like glass when things happen. i know the mean well, i do, but its to much. they'll be mad at me for just leaving, but its for the best hyung. i'll tell them, just not face to face." 

"then why tell me?" donghyuck asks. "if you can't tell them, then how are you telling me?" 

"because if i leave you, not saying anything? that will hurt more and i don't think i could ever forgive myself." chenle looks down, "everything is so much easier with you hyung, you treat me like a person, and thats all i want. i feel better with you." 

"chenle..." 

"i think should go now, kun ge is waiting for me and i told him i wouldn't be long so we could go." chenle goes to stand up, but donghyuck stops him. 

"wait, are you leaving tonight?" donghyuck stands up, "chenle! please, you can't leave like this, not this fast."

"i'm sorry, please forgive me." donghyucks eyes water, he can't believe chenle is actually leaving. leaving so fast. chenle walks closer to donghyuck, and pulls the older into a hug. as soon as donghyuck wraps his arms around chenle, he starts to cry. chenle hugs the older tighter, "i have to go now." chenle chokes out, "i'm sorry, but i'll come back okay?"

"i love you, so much." donghyuck cries, and chenle smiles. chenles grip loosens, and soon he pulls away from the hug. 

"i'll see you soon hyung, i'll miss you very much." donghyuck doesn't say anything, he just watches chenle turn his back to him and leave. donghyuck stands there for a good ten minutes before his mother calls at him to come inside. donghyuck just continues to stand there, heartbroken. 

chenle left and he didn't know if he would ever comeback.


End file.
